The Gamer's Meaning of Life

When I was 15 years old I staying over at a friend's house for the weekend. He had a playstation 2 and a few games. One was still in the plastic unopened, Ratchet and Clank. I asked him why he never played it. He said he didn't think it was cool, and I quickly lost interest.

Then my brother came over. When he walked through the door he told me "Dad's dead."

What?

I asked a few more questions. My head was spinning trying to grasp what happened. I asked my friend: Hey, can I play that game?

Unwrapping the game was like unwrapping a present. I played the game for several hours, and the next day I played it more. I played the game a lot. I think I even found an exploit no one would have ever tested. I played in the training grounds. It was a side part of the game to test weapons on legions of bots that slowly moved towards you. The level cap was 100, but I realized I went passed that killing these bots for the small experience they gave. I didn't consciously realize it, but I needed to be stimulated from the outside. I felt numb, but the emotions inside me threatened to completely overwhelm me. The game was actually really funny. I felt something with the jokes, but I couldn't laugh. I couldn't cry.

This Twitch streamer, Dr. K, has a lot of interesting things to say about mental health and healthy versus unhealthy gaming. He says gaming can greatly enhance dissociation.

Dissociation

Dissociation is what it sounds like, dis-association, disconnection. A common example is when you're walking or driving somewhere and you realize you've arrived at your destination without thinking of the trip much. Maybe you were daydreaming or listening to music. Some dissociation is healthy and gives our brain a break from mundane tasks. You weren't totally disconnected from driving. If you needed to suddenly brake your attention would snap back, but your conscious awareness is split. Part of you is driving and the more consciously aware part is thinking of something else.